My pain is like an old friend. It reminds me I am alive. Not to be overly dramatic, but I’m not sure how it would feel anymore if I didn’t feel the pain—if I didn’t have cancer.
But here’s the thing: My pain isn’t that bad. A jolt here—a twinge there. I’m convinced that’s why I feel this way. My pain can be controlled—almost banished—with a proper mix of pain meds. True, my daily activities are often limited, and my multiple myeloma isn’t curable. But, like my bone pain, it has been controllable. How would/will I feel when I begin to run out of treatment options? If and when the pain cannot be easily controlled without the help of heavy duty narcotics, which leave me wasted and unaware?
But for now, I have no regrets. I have heard from (and met) so many intellegent, brave and engaging people since my diagnosis. From brief waiting room encounters—to correspondence with my regular readers—to oncology nurses, docs and techs—all have brought hope, texture and depth into my life. The most interesting and substantial people I know are cancer patients, survivors or caregivers! I would not have had a chance to meet and relate to these people if I didn’t have cancer. That I would never want to change.
Feel good and keep smiling! Pat