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I’m not dead yet!

Posted on February 08 2016 by Pat Killingsworth | 12,459 views

The commonly used name here for plasmapheresis is plasma exchange. I”m being hooked up for my third, three hour round of plasma exchange. Honestly, I’m in pretty bad shape.

I’m not eating. I could give you a lot of technical information about my situation, but the bottom line is this: Five doctors and none can figure out whats’ wrong with me. Just passed out, woke up with laptop on top of me.

Your prayers and positive energy isn’t in vain. I feel it. So does Pattie. Thank you!

Feel good and keep smiling! Pat

111 Comments For This Post

  1. Rita R Says:

    Special PRAYER for you. Perhaps this procedure is like bathing your blood, one way to explain this, and you will feel better. Hang in there. You have the best and most informative posts.

  2. Pat Killingsworth Says:

    Thank you!

  3. Matt Says:

    Pat, i did plasmapheresis a few years ago. Definitely not fun. But i think it helped save my kidneys. You hang in there! All my thoughts and positive energy are going in your direction. Be well my friend.

  4. Berit Says:

    Oh Pat, you shouldn’t have to go through this! Prayers! What does Dr. Tricot think about the situation?

  5. Brian Helstien Says:

    My primary doctor told me 5 years ago today, that he believed I had MM and was referring me to an oncologist. I had no idea what that meant. Yours was literally the first site I found and you’ve taught me and literally thousands of others. Know that we’re all pulling for you. Know that you’re in our thoughts. But mostly know what you, by putting a human face on this disease has done to help so very many of us. I’m pretty sure I speak for many, many others when I say, “thank you,” and be well.

  6. Linda (Kenilworth) Says:

    Prayers and positive energy are coming your way to you and Pattie. How scary! I hope things are heading in the right direction! My husband, Joe, had a similar thing last year and after a week of plasma exchange he was better. Damage to kidneys even reversed. I am so sorry that you have to go through this!
    Be well,

  7. Anne Says:

    Offering our very best prayers for you and Pattie. Anne

  8. Ellen Harris Says:


    The docs must be working on some type of hypothesis about what is going on. I hope they come up with an answer soon, and that you respond to the plasma exchange.

    Sending positive vibes your way! Keep us updated.

    Ellen Harris

  9. Judy Faltz Says:

    And many many others besides those of us who write are pulling for you every step of the way – and grateful for all you continue to teach us about this disease and how to respond to it with courage.

  10. Nancy K Says:

    Sooo good to hear from you. Fight on! My thoughts are with you and of course, Patty.

  11. Andy Sninsky Says:

    I am rooting for you Pat and Pattie. May your day be sunnier.

  12. Martha Says:

    You are in my thoughts and prayers every second of every day

  13. Karen Crosby Says:

    I am stunned and so upset that you are going through this! Was it seriously just last week that I told you how great you were looking and you were celebrating your 100 days? What a rollercoaster ride. Do you know if there is a chance that the kidney damage is reversible? I don’t have to say how unfair this is that you have to go through this hell. I know you must be so exhausted and tired of the fight and on top of it all you think of us all and keep sharing information. My heart is going out to you and Pattie. Just hang in there Pat, they have to figure something out. Both Pattie and you both must be so exhausted. Please know we are all keeping you in our thoughts and offering you strength and healing.

  14. nancy roeser Says:

    sounds like others have had this happen and have turned it around. helps that others pray even when we are too tired to do so. you are not alone. dave and nancy

  15. Sheri from Idaho Says:

    Pat, still praying and thinking about you and Pattie, every day. Wish I could be there to offer some support. As someone else asked, has anyone spoken with Dr. Tricot? Does he have any thoughts as to what is going on? And dialysis isn’t the worst thing in the world (close, but not quite). If it keeps you alive, then it is worth it. I know firsthand. But I do hope that you are not on it, long-term. Just until your kidney bounce back.

  16. Ed Wolfman Says:

    Prayers and lots of love.
    Hang in there, tough guy.
    Pattie…anything you need. Call.

  17. Ronald Engelsman Says:

    I keep you both in my prayers – strength for Patty and healing for you Pat. May our Lord and Savior grant you healing and the strength to get you through this very rough time. Your blog and your personal journey has been a wonderful source of information and encouragement to so many of us.

  18. Rob Says:

    Continued prayers for you and Pattie here Pat as well as for your doctors and nurses there to find the cause.


  19. Marilyn Smith Says:

    I agree with everyone else about getting Dr Tricot involved. He maybe has had other patients with this problem. It wouldn’t hurt to call him. You have to get better and home for Beach Party. We all love you and are praying for you.

  20. Elizabeth M Says:

    Greetings from the Florida Panhandle. Lots and lots of prayers for your healing! Hang in there!

  21. Pam Says:

    Has anyone brought up the possibility this is tumor lysis symdrome? Regardless, I’m wishing you a speedy recovery and am sending love and hugs from Missouri to you and Pattie.

  22. Barbara Burgess Says:

    So sorry to hear about your latest issue. You are always in my prayers!
    Barb B. CZT

  23. Nvandyk Says:

    Praying for you, my friend.

    Make sure Tricot is on this — and maybe Barlogie will review your records? I am QUITE sure he has seen whatever is happening before and will have some suggestions. Let me know if I can connect you.

  24. Bill O'Halloran Says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this tough time, Pat. You have had more than your share of adversity lately, but all of us admire the strength and courage with which you face your challenges. You are a shining example to us all. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and pulling for you and Patty to get through this quickly.

  25. Paula Says:

    Feel better soon Pat. You and Pattie are in my prayers

  26. JoanieK Says:

    Karen and I are thinking of you both daily and sending healing thoughts during this difficult time. Breathe…..

  27. priya Says:

    Pat, sending you strength to fight on….

  28. Julie Says:

    Wow Pat, just Wow! I cannot believe what you have and are enduring! You are so tough. Sure makes me question what I would do in your circumstances… I have so much respect for your strength and ability to handle everything you are, and continue to, and still write and blog about it!! Simply put, you’re amazing and Myeloma sucks!!! Hang in there Pat, and thank you so much for sharing all your “unwanted adventures” in Myelomaland.

  29. JoAnn B Says:

    Our prayers and well wishes are with you. Thanks for all you’ve done for us. We wish we could give back. JoAnn B

  30. Andrea Says:

    Sending you all our strength and a big hug from Spain Pat.
    You are amazing and we admire your courage. We send you our best wishes to help you to overcome this issue soon.

  31. Bob M Says:

    Keep hanging in there, Pat! You WILL get through this!

  32. christina Says:

    Sending lots of love and get well thoughts to you. Hang in there, this too will pass.

  33. Gary Petersen Says:

    Please Pray for Pat. I visited him at the hospital today, and he is not doing well. He is in intensive care and is not responsive. He has TTP or Thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura. TTP is a rare blood disorder. In TTP, blood clots form in small blood vessels throughout the body. The clots can limit or block the flow of oxygen-rich blood to the body’s organs, such as the brain, kidneys, and heart. Re recently suffered a brain hemorage, and with very low platelets this is critical and
    life threatening. Please pray for Pat and Pattie.

  34. Holt Says:

    Thanks for letting us know Gary. Praying harder than ever.

  35. Nancy Shamanna Says:

    Praying for you, Pat and Pattie.

  36. Michelle S Says:

    Keep fighting, Pat! We’re all praying and sending positive energy to you and Pattie.

  37. Berit Says:

    How awful. Praying Pat is spared. Gary, please keep us up to date?

  38. Laurie Says:

    So very sorry to hear this latest news. Pat and Pattie, you are always in our thoughts and prayers. My heart is breaking for you both. Thank you so much for all of your help over the last almost 3 years, do not know what I would have done without it. Hoping for better news.

  39. Sheri from Idaho Says:

    Gary, thanks for keeping us updated and for visiting Pat. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for him or Pattie.

  40. Matt Says:

    Thanks for the update Gary. So heartbreaking. Sending prayers to Pat and Pattie.

  41. Ellen Harris Says:

    This is very sad. Gary, thank you for keeping us updated. We have to try to focus on sending all of our positive energies to Pat. Even if he is unresponsive I think he is still fighting. Let’s pray that the doctors can bring him out of this…

  42. Jeff Wyant Says:

    Prayers and good thoughts, we will keep channeling positive energy from Florida.

  43. Mark K Says:

    Prayers sent Pat, you will over come this!

  44. Lovey Says:

    Oh, Gary, thank you for visiting Pat. Our hearts are breaking for Pat and Pattie and all of us in his cyberspace. It’s unbearable. Pat has done so much for us. Life is terribly unfair.

  45. Lyn Johnson Says:

    Continuing to send prayers and good wishes your way.

  46. Jennifer Says:

    oh no. horrible news – we are all pulling for you Pat. Thank you for the update,Gary.

  47. Carol Teague Says:

    Prayers and positive thoughts to you,Pat. Thanks for the update,Gary.

  48. Irene S Says:

    Pat, I’ve been following your blog since shortly after I was diagnosed. I’ve learned a lot and you’ve given me hope. Thank you!

    I’m pulling hard for you to get through through this crisis. You still have a lot of living to do.

  49. Ron Harvot Says:


    I will say extra prayers for you tonight and tomorrow at the Ash Weds service. All of us are behind you!!

  50. nil Says:

    Pat is the indispensable myeloma blogger. In this space he chronicles his journey with candor, courage and wit, while imparting mountains of valuable information and experience.

    Pat, praying hard that you may soon feel good and smile.

  51. Julie Says:

    Thank you Gary P for updating us. Sending endless positive wishes of support to you Pat and Pattie. You got this Pat! You are so incredibly strong. You were one of my very first invaluable online finds when I was first Dx late 2009. You’ve been thru so much. Hoping this is just another fork in your healing road. Love to you Pat and Pattie from a long time fan of all your blogging and writing.

  52. indymike Says:

    Pat very sorry to hear of this latest development. My prayers go out to you and Pattie. It was has been a rough 6 months for you and I hope you rebound soon and are back on your feet. Thanks for all you do for the patient community. I start every day reading your blog and appreciate the inspiration, practical knowedge and science it provides.

  53. David Says:

    hang in there. Its also OK to feel frustrated and angry at times. No reason to ignore your feelings

  54. Ellen Harris Says:

    Any updates on Pat’s condition today? I am praying for some good news. If there is anyone who can rebound from this, it will be Pat! Praying for your recovery!

    Ellen Harris

  55. Gary Petersen Says:

    I just talked to Pattie, and she said there has been no change. His birthday is tomorrow and Pattie is hoping to give him a party at the hospital. I will be there. Gary

  56. David Finkelstein Says:

    Hang in there, Pat. We are all with you.

  57. Ed Wolfman Says:

    Gary: Do you have the address of the hospital and room number…so we can send flowers, etc.

  58. Berit Says:

    I was so hoping there would be change! But I suppose maybe no news might be good news for now.

  59. Nancy Says:

    Pat ….praying ,praying and praying….you are an inspiration and a warrior for me …. I am always motivated by your posts… Hang in,hang in …we are hundreds and hundreds inspired by you. May god bless you. I believe and hope that you will be out of it soon… My best and best wishes….

    Nancy from India…

  60. Gary Petersen Says:

    Ed, the address is:

    Baptist Medical Center
    Weaver Tower 10th floor
    Room 1018
    800 Prudential Dr, Jacksonville, FL 32207
    Phone:(904) 202-2000

    Pattie has been touched by all of the prayers and kind words.

  61. Marilyn Smith Says:

    I just don’t know how we would all get along without him. God please help him through this. Gary thanks for the update. Please keep them coming. Is he awake enough to know he will have a party today? Marilyn

  62. Sean Murray Says:

    Praying for you with everything that I have in me, Pat.

  63. David Says:

    Get through this. You’re our hero

  64. Sheryl Says:

    Sending healing thoughts from all of us at Patient Power

  65. Kathy Cartwright Says:

    Pat & Pattie,
    You both have inspired the MM community and I know you must be getting a ton of prayers!!
    We are keeping you both close to hearts and thoughts as we pray for Pat to again have good health ahead.
    God Bless you,
    Jeff and Kathy Cartwright

  66. nancy roeser Says:

    Happy Birthday and God’s blessing Dave and Nancy

  67. Marilyn Smith Says:

    If any of you are his friend on face Book go to his face book page. So many people love this guy. He deserves all the love from all of us.

  68. Michelle Gillet Says:

    You have been through so much and we are all sending positive thoughts and strength your way. Like so many people have said before you have helped and inspired so many of us Myelona folks now it’s our turn to help in every way we can.

  69. Linda Baker Says:

    Praying so hard right now for Pat…that things will take a turn for the better. He is always such an encourager, educator, and advocate for others touched by MM…now it’s our turn to hold him up!

  70. Priya Says:

    Thank you, Gary. Happy Birthday Pat! Praying very hard for you.

  71. Anne Says:

    Happy birthday, Pat. Hang in there, Pattie. Getting out my birthday candles & lighting them up so we can all make a wish for your health and recovery. We are pulling for both of you and the medical teams.

  72. Tim Says:

    Hang in there Pat. You are an inspiration to the myeloma community. Happy Birthday!

  73. Elizabeth M Says:

    Thank you, Gary, for the updates. Pat, Happy Birthday! Praying for you, Pattie and your health care team.

  74. Ellen Harris Says:

    I am praying for you today Pat in the hopes that you will be awake and aware that it is your birthday. That will be a true celebration! Gary, thanks for your updates. It is a great service for those of us watching a waiting for news.

  75. Carole Harris Says:

    Praying for you and sending you positive healing thoughts. Like many others, yours was the first site I found when I was first diagnosed. It has been so informative, reassuring and healing for us. We need you! Keep fighting! And I guess birthday wishes are in order, Happy Birthday to you and I wish for you many more!

  76. Gary Petersen Says:

    Today we had a 60th birthday celebration of Pat’s life. Pat is on life support, and cannot breath on his own. We hope he could hear some of the stories which were shared by Pattie and his friends and family. As we all know Pat was quite a Character, and even more so in college and throughout his life. Doctors have given Pattie no hope, so she wanted to honor Pat with this celebration. Gary

  77. Holt Says:

    Thank you for being there and taking part in the celebration Gary. The news is heartbreaking. I pray for strength for Pattie and Pat.

  78. Ellen Harris Says:

    I am so very saddened to hear of this news. Pat is such a brave soul. Even though I never met him, (I was planning on coming to the Beach party in April), I feel as though he was a friend, as I am sure many of us do. Please tell Pattie that he was well loved by many, (which I am sure she knows), and that he will live on with us in the myeloma community. I wish Pattie strength during this very difficult time. Is there anything that the online community can do?

  79. Linda (Kenilworth) Says:

    Pat is a true myeloma angel. He is a huge source of strength and knowledge for me as I have been caring for my husband, Joe. My heart is breaking for Pat and Pattie. Prayers!

  80. kate farrell Says:

    Such sad news. Keeping Pat and Pattie in our thoughts and wishing them peace at this very sacred and precious time.

  81. Carol Teague Says:

    Pattie and family, Gary and all. My heart is breaking about the sad news. May God embrace you all with this love and strength. Prayers to all. Pat has been such a wonderful source to all of the myeloma community. He is a tropper and we will never forget him. Please give Pattie our love.

  82. Jenny Says:

    Pat, we love you and Pattie with all our hearts. Pattie, please thank him for being an incredible source of inspiration for this entire community. He has affected an incredible number of lives.

  83. christina Says:

    This so heartbreaking, especially, after all, .he had endured. I am so sad as everyone is.
    Thank you for giving us this update though, at least we know.

  84. Bob M Says:

    Gary, Thank you for being there with your support to Pat and Pattie, and for updating all of us. This must be very difficult for you as well as for all of us. If there is anything we can do, please let us know. I will pray for Pat and Pattie. This is so incredibly sad, as Pat touched so many of us with his constant flow of reporting, humor, kindness, and knowledge. I will miss him very much.

  85. Berit Says:

    Oh Pat…so kind and so willing to always be a friend. And this blog has served as a hub for myeloma patients and caregivers. He will be missed. Damn this cancer.

  86. JoanieK Says:

    We celebrate Pat’s life. He has been a help and inspiration to us and many others throughout the MM community. Feel good and keep smiling, Pat. Follow the light in this next chapter.
    Pattie – ours hearts are with you. Hug.
    Joanie & Karen

  87. Michelle Gillet Says:

    Gary thank you for keeping all of Pat’s Mylelima followers updated albeit it with extremely sad and heartbreaking news. He really was the shining star that we all looked to in the darkness of this Myeloma.
    I cannot imagine what Pattie is going through. She allowed all of us to be part of Pats Myeloma world. Still praying for a miracle for Pat. Wish him Happy 60th Birthday

  88. Paul Allen Says:

    Happy birthday Pat. You have been an inspiration to me and the recent news breaks my heart, however, there are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but sometimes have to let go. May God bless both Pat and Pattie.

  89. Ron Harvot Says:

    I have put a post on the Myeloma Beacon where Pat has been a contributor for many years. There is also an outpouring of support and prayers on that site.

  90. Ed Wolfman Says:

    Gary: Please give me a call if you can

  91. Julie Says:

    Gary- thank you so much for keeping us all updated on Pat’s tragic turn of events. My heart is broken for him and Pattie, and all of us in the MM community that love him so much and appreciate all his writings, postings, interviews, etc, and his sharing of every detail of his myeloma treatments and research. My heart is broken for Pattie and his family, friends and all of the world. Can you post where we can send Pattie a card of support please. Thank you Gary, Julie

  92. kathym Says:

    Pattie we thank you from the bottom of our broken hearts for all you gave in supporting and providing unselfishly of your time, your love and your kindness to this beautiful, tenacious, lion-hearted man who served all of us so very well!

    …”May God hold you and keep you in the palm of his hand” (Irish Blessing)

  93. Martha Says:

    Because I could not stop for Death,
    He kindly stopped for me;
    The carriage held but just ourselves
    And Immortality.

    Good bye dear friend though we never met face to face. You gave so many of us hope in the face of this horrible disease…you taught us to never stop living. We will miss you.

  94. Stephanie from Sydney Says:

    Thinking of Pat and Pattie at this very sad time. Like everyone else I will miss Pat’s daily posts – not just the information about new myeloma treatments and his particular journey but also the snippets about his life, the new home, Finnegan and his passionate support of the Badgers. I live so far away but over the years I’ve felt that I’ve really got to know him. When I was first diagnosed back in 2012 his positive, never say die attitude was a great source of comfort to me. Pat made a difference in people’s lives and that is no small thing.

  95. Bill O'Halloran Says:

    This is such tragic news. Pat’s passing will leave a huge void in our lives. His blog has been a daily companion to me over the years on my MM journey. He has been a source of inspiration to me and so many others. Pat, you are one of life’s true heroes. My heart goes out to Pattie at this sad time.

  96. Brenda Says:

    Our prayers are with Pattie and the family.

  97. Gary Petersen Says:

    Earlier today Pattie called Jenny Ahlstrom and inform her what we all were dreading. Jenny wrote:

    I wanted to let you all know that Pat Killingsworth passed away this morning after making it to his 60th birthday (today). He was surrounded by Pattie, family and close friends. Gary Petersen was in attendance at his party this morning and is a wonderful friend to Pat.

    The loss is profound and truly beyond words. Pat was an incredible advocate to the myeloma community and was a friend to anyone who needed advice, comfort or support. Since his diagnosis, he has blogged every single day to share important topics on myeloma to his friends. He began the Beach Party event two years ago to encourage patients to get together, learn something new about myeloma, and support one another. He put the needs of others ahead of his own and it is my honor to have known him as a friend and fellow myeloma survivor.

    Our prayers have been and will continue to be with him and his family, especially his beloved Pattie. We feel a great loss today for our dear friend who is now free of this awful disease. He will be honored at the upcoming Beach Party on April 1 where his life will be celebrated for the amazing contributions he has made on behalf of others.


  98. Chrism Says:

    So what exactly is the cause of his death? Could it have been avoided?

  99. JustinS Says:

    This post and the comments below are devastating. I cannot believe what I just read. I’ve followed this blog for 5+ years and am still in shock. Pattie, I hope the thoughts and prayers from Pat’s readers can help in any way possible. It is a very sad day.

  100. Lyn Johnson Says:

    Patty, I am so sorry for your loss. I never had the pleasure of meeting Pat, but he helped me understand what my husband is facing in his MM battle, and gave me hope.


  101. Mark K Says:

    My sincerest condolences. God bless.

  102. Sandy Says:

    I am so sad to hear of Pat’s passing. I learned so much about multiple myeloma , the highs, the lows. As a nurse I learned more from his blogs than ever in my nursing career. He was an inspiration and fearless warrior for all in the multiple myeloma community. He will be dearly missed. Sending prayers to you and your family.

  103. Danny Parker Says:

    Dear Friend,

    I write this with a very heavy heart. This, I understand, at the same time, both a remembrance of your birthday as well as your life.

    You devoted yourself ceaselessly to the care and aid of many others suffering multiple myeloma. So many were touched and helped. What greater gift than there is one who attends to the sick, the hopeless and the weak? We all benefitted, not only from your help and knowledge, but also your fortitude and good humor in the face of calamity. It has made such a difference.

    The winds appear to be parting our friendship in this realm and the world with be a lesser place tomorrow. So you’ll forgive my sadness for the moment.

    Wishing loving support for you, your family and the grateful community you’ve nurtured. We’ll muddle along somehow.

    Yes, I will keep smiling.

    But today, you understand, I cannot.

    Bless Us All,
    Danny Parker

  104. priya Says:

    Pat, my dear friend, I will miss you so much…

  105. Yelak Says:

    A reminder that life is finite and brittle and as Pat will say to feel good keep smiling through it all.
    Thanks for being an example.

  106. Gary Petersen Says:

    Julie and all, condolences can be sent to the address listed on his post You can also sign up to attend Pat’s Memorial Beach Party. The last thing Pattie said to me is that we must follow thru with Pat’s Myeloma Beach Party to Honor and celebrate Pat’s life. Pat so much wanted to make the party an institution of hope for the myeloma patient community. I told her I will help in any way I can. Gary

    Pattie Killingworth
    1731 Philips Manor Rd
    Fernandina Beach, FL 32034

  107. Lisa Ljunggren Says:


  108. Lisa Ljunggren Says:

    I am so very sorry for the loss of Pat! my deepest condolences!
    Lisa from sweden

  109. Nancy Says:

    Oh my god ,it is such a devastating news . Pat was an inspiration ,a motivation. I never met him but felt a connect. He was such an amazing human being who always motivated the myeloma survivors as well as caregivers. I used to wait for his blogs everyday. I feel empty . My condolences pattie.

    Nancy from India

  110. Letty Baldwin Says:

    Pat you hang in there, don’t give up!! I’ve been a nurse for many many years and I’ve seen people bounce back from this. I had 6 apheresis treatments and it finally saved my kidneys. I think about you everyday and believe this I pray to God for your recovery.

  111. Ralph Says:

    I’ll miss our emails, You were the best.. RIP old friend

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